he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
