My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
