my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
