I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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