Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
