My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
