woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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