Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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