I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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