I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
