He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
