i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
