dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Boobs speak an international language.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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