i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
