He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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