you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it's like iHOP with fire
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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