My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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