I can tuck mytits in my pants
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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