i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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