Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
