ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
