the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
