i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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