I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
