I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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