so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
