She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
