i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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