so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
