I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
