I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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