I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
