I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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