did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
