how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We need to get me chipped asap
All the doctor said was why
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
