my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
