Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
