Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
