Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
