Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
