I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
