i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
