Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
