I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
