It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
