the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I understand Curling. That high.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
