I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
