If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
