it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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