I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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