My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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