Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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