If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
