so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
