Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
