If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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