I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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