I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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