he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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